So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Buhtt sex?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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