The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize