I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
