Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
