let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sarcasm needs its own font
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
