I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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