we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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