I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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