I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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