We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize