he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
