The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
