He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
