Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
