who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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