You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bring me that man meat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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