I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
