Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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