Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
