He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
