Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
