70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
