uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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