"it" just moved
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
