so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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