As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
