the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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