Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
