i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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