I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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