It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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