why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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