Just fell off a train. Bad.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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