why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
