absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
