There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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