I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
