pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
