Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
