I think i peed on brittanys purse
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
