Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I looked at my own cervix.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
