I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
