i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
