i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize