just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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