dude i'm inner monologue high
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
