you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
