3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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