just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize