Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
