Where is the hickey?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize