I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
