Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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