she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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