how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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