i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
