I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
