I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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