im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
