Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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