we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
