so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
