no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
