i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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