would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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