I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We were destined to go to rehab together
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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