Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
