pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
